Monday, 20 June 2016

I had to say this for my Son.

Alex always in our hearts (Eulogy)

A young man, who was quiet, unassuming, wise beyond his years and to many seemingly self assured, although we know that wasn’t always the case, to Jason and I, he was humorous, sarcastic, caring, the mediator and above all, part of us, that irreplaceable piece of our jigsaw.

From an early age it was obvious a career an IT beckoned him, from building robots, which we built weekly from a magazine or fixing up old computers for Jason and I, writing software, building websites. I think one of my favourite memories is when he accidentally broke my Psion 5 – if anyone can remember that technology, I was so upset, and when I called up to see if my insurance would pay, they said they weren’t made any more and would I accept the next model, even at a young age he was helping me out, getting me the most up to date technology.  This Christmas he sat and built me a new computer.

He had so much focus and drive, the only thing that would faze him were other people that didn't work as hard. I was so proud when he got his Masters degree with honours, in computer science.  He went on to establish his own company and was so happy in this new job. He said it was just everything he wanted in a job, working from home, Skypingwith his colleagues and having the opportunity to be creative in his software. I am so thankful he got the opportunity to show his natural flair to his colleagues.

As a family we have travelled to the USA, Hong Kong and Paris.  Thankfully Alex, was a human sat-nav., guiding us without fail to wherever we wanted to go. He always plannedto travel.

We could talk for hours or just Skype a couple of words to each other but it was enough. Even if we didn’t speak on a day it didn’t matter, there was always contact, e-mail, text, he always replied.  Even now I can see his name on my Skypeaccount and I desperately want to ring him, to see him, to speak to him, I know there won’t be a reply, but I think in so many ways he’s still talking to me.  We shared the same interests such as books and films and I loved talking about them with him. 

If I went off at a tangent he would set me right.  Of course there were arguments mum and 2 sons, but Alex would come home and after a quick chat knew what to do, how to deal with it, quietly and fairly. That was Alex he just wanted everything to be fair to everyone. 

The older, protective brother, he would always ask about Jason, always talk about his future and how he could help.  I know how proud he was of him and the opportunities that were ahead of him.  Even as we looked at his accounts online, his profile picture was of the both of them, two brothers in arms!

My heart is bleeding broken and battered my soul has been ripped out of me. He just understood. I have been blessed to have him in my life for such a short time. It seems almost impossible to imagine life without him but I know you will be with us in our hearts guiding us and helping us along the way. You will always be in my heart and I know, you will be there for me and Jason, always.

So sorry they found you as they did. Rest easy my sweet rest in peace and love. I hope your time on this earth was happy. You lit up my life everyday from the moment you were born. You will be forever in my heart your loving Mum xxxxx

This was the eulogy I gave at my beautiful Sons funeral.  One of the hardest and certainly the saddest thing I have ever done but was compelled to do it by my son I am sure.   Life will never be the same without him. 

Sunday, 19 June 2016

My Alex

I've just got to get this started first and finished before I can do anything else on the blog it's not easy to say or write but I'm hoping that writing it down and sharing will help me to come to terms with it.
I'm just going to say it on 14 February I had a phone call from the police to say that they found my son and I had to go and identify him.
I was praying and praying it wasn't him but when I was taken to see him I could deny it no longer. I don't think I have really faced up to the fact that he has gone or want to as it hits me and just overwhelms me where ever I may be unless that is just how it is when you lose someone so close to you. No idea how to recover from something like this!
He had been 4 years from the age of 18 at university then 1year working at the Quay and living in Exeter at a house share.  Then his friend offered him a job with an American company working US hours and he made his own limited company. He moved into his own flat as living and working in the same room was not ideal.

We were always in communication even if just by Skype or text so when we hadn't hear from him in about 5 days we were worried. We went over to his flat to see him as soon as we could. When we couldn't find him we contacted his friends who were worried too and reported him missing to the police. He did such a lot in his short life and I will always be proud of him. Well that's me now just got to well, be or find the new me.  Please share your experiences if u feel up to it. It helps to know I am not alone.

My Sons card for the Royal Wedding

My Sons card for the Royal Wedding
He won 2nd prize and it has been sent of to the happy couple. Very proud and he made a gorgeous card. I thought it was the best.